Email: michelle at fromsadtoraw dot com
(not a clickable link to avoid spammers)
April 11, 2007
Yes, I'm alive.
No, I'm not raw.
Yes, I've gained weight (weighed 227 the last time I weighed).
No, I'm not depressed.
Yes, I've been very busy.
No, I haven't given up.
Yes, I'm back.
It's been 4 months to the day since I last updated. It's 5:00 in the morning and I'm finally getting myself on here to post an update. A lot has happened in the last four months.
My girlfriend and I broke up (we were together 4 months), and I've since started dating someone else, a wonderful 28 year old woman named Stephanie. Oh I guess I forgot to mention that I had stopped doing the "dating" thing, and settled down with one woman back in November.
I began working two other part time jobs cleaning two different houses. One of the jobs I also do organizing, errands, etc. Up until the last week I also still worked part time for the student religious organization on the University of Arkansas campus. I'm letting go of that job because I'm only making $8/hour there, whereas the other two jobs I make $10-11/hour. I was also solicited by an old vendor colleague to apply for a vendor job with her company. After initially declining, I decided it was something I was interested in getting back into, so I went through the process of the first and second interviews. I'm just waiting to hear back from my would-be boss to see if they are going to make an offer.
All of my roommates have moved out, due to one reason or another, and now Stephanie, the woman I'm dating, is living with me...long story, but we were friends and she became my roommate before we ever started dating. So my house is pretty quiet, and I like it. Life has settled down more now, though working three jobs plus doing some random jobs on the side has kept me pretty tired. Stephanie has a full time day job working 8-5 for Wal-Mart headquarters plus a part time job doing newspaper courier drops from 1:30 am - 5:30 am 5 days a week. She had an accident last month, which is the second one she's had while working this second job. So I decided she would not go alone anymore on the route. I also decided she would quit that job if/when I go to work for the vendor, because 1.) I'm now exhausted all the time, 2.) she's exhausted, 3.) I won't let her go work alone I'm kinda bossy that way.
I haven't been exercising, though cleaning houses 30 hours a week is definitely a work out. I've been so busy that I rarely ever even take the dogs for a walk. Oh, Stephanie has two little dogs too, so we now have a house of 4 dogs...it's a zoo, but I love it!
Update on smoking --- Stephanie and I both made the decision to quit about a month ago. We went 8 days and then decided we wanted to have one every so often, but would switch to the more natural "American Spirits" which have no additives and all the crap that standard commercial cigarettes have in them. We set up some rules for ourselves, like we'll never smoke without the other person. We'll only smoke natural cigarettes, that aren't our "regular" brands. We'll only smoke at home. We'll only smoke on Sundays. All the blah blah things people tell themselves to justify still hanging on to a habit. Well, we managed to not break the first rule, but we are working to keep ourselves in check. We've now gone back to only smoke at home, only smoke together, only smoke natural cigarettes. And we've agreed that if it becomes a "problem" we'll quit all together. We're kidding ourselves, we know, but it's better than where we were.
As far as eating, honestly, the last 6 months I've been in a "whatever I want as long as it's vegetarian" routine. I even ate eggs, as long as they were from cage-free, veg fed hens. I ate cheese, sour cream, mayonaisse, ice cream, and butter. I never went back to drinking actual milk, but I guess it's all the same if I ate all the other dairy items. It's interesting, I would never consider taking a drink of cow's milk, but I was eating the things that are made of cow's milk. Ah the games we play with our food beliefs.
So, the last month I have been getting myself ready to get back to healthy eating. I started looking at old recipes, really looking at my pantry and fridge to see what was in it and what I WANT to be in it, talking about my eating habits and my desired eating habits, etc. Then last week I started buying different foods, in a move back towards at least veganism, with the eventual plan of being high raw again. Stephanie and I talk a lot about how she wants to be a part of this transition, for her own health benefit. She has been really amazing about trying new foods (she'd never had soy milk, almond milk, veganaisse, Rice Dream ice cream, tofu, soy products like Morning Star, natural granola, etc.) and her willingness to move away from her Standard American Diet. Doing this lifestyle together is WAY easier than trying to do it alone. We're both excited about the changes we are making. (I'm sure it's odd for people new to this site to read about me NOT being raw, as if there should be no other option since I have a "raw" site and all....but if you have been with me through the years, you know this has been something I have worked on for a very long time, and that life sometimes gets in the way of our goals...or WE let life get in the way of our goals, I should say. I've NEVER stopped believing in high raw as a natural, healthy and ideal way to live life. I just sometimes get sidetracked from actually living it.)
To get myself back into the routine of journaling my journey again, I'll just make a list of a few of the food choices I've been making since Monday, when I began my official journey back to veganism and healthy eating.
- oranges, apples, grapes, strawberries, mango
- natural granola with almond milk (switched away from soy milk last week)
- popcorn and pretzels instead of Lays potato chips (though did have natural corn tortilla chips last night with dinner)
- veggie patties, vegetarian chili (no cheese or sour cream), skillet potatoes (need to let go of the skillet part, and just go back to steamed or baked), frozen corn boiled (need to take the time to steam them instead of boiling for nutritional purposes)
- backing off of Coke, and on to more iced tea instead - was drinking A LOT of Coke over the past four months
- pasta salad made of whole wheat pasta and Annie's Goddess dressing
- roasted nuts and seeds, trail mixes with dried fruits
And in the spirit of believing change comes from saying what you want outloud, here's a list of goals, short and long-term.
- (short term) eliminate all dairy products from the home, moving initially to all vegan - veganaisse, vegan ice cream, vegan butter, vegan sour cream, vegan cheese, etc.
- (long term) eliminate most if not all vegan substitutes from the home, moving to more natural, less processed condiments (like Annie's Goddess dressing and spices)
- (short term) eliminate all processed "white" grains like Rice Crispies and Special K, commercial bread, commercial wheat pretzels, microwave bagged popcorn, rice, flour and pasta; this means switching to more natural granolas and flax flakes, Ezekial and Manna bread, spelt pretzels, air popped popcorn (need to watch garage sales for an air popper), whole wheat pasta, Saltine crackers (instead of fatty, sugary ones), natural corn tortilla chips (instead of Lays potato chips, Cheetos, etc.)
- (long term) eliminate pasta, chips and crackers entirely; eat spelt pretzels, popcorn, granola and healthy breads minimally IF at all
- (short term) quit drinking Coke entirely, drink more iced tea
- (long term) move back to decaf iced tea only when at home, caffeinated iced tea only at restaurants and only at restaurants where I really like their tea --- I have 4 or 5 restaurants that are my favorites and all other restaurant teas suck butt in comparison
- (short term) smoke only natural cigarettes, smoke only at home and only with Stephanie; smoke sparingly, not even close to as often as I was....a pack of cigarettes should last a week between the two of us
- (long term) quit smoking all together, making it another 5 years and then some, like I did last time
Ultimately my goal is to return to 75% raw, 25% healthy vegan cooked, eating no unnatural sugars, nor processed foods, never smoke, and exercise daily. It's a process and one I'm willing to take my time doing. I will be gentle, but firm with myself in order to achieve this lofty but doable goal.
Thanks to everyone who has written over the months checking on me, begging me to come back and offering support and encouragement. It has NOT gone unnoticed. Love you guys!
PS I'll try to get updated pictures next week - we're going out of town to Diversity Weekend in Eureka Springs, this weekend, so I know I won't get them done then.
Weight: 227 pounds (total weight loss 83 pounds)
April 12, 2007
Had a bowl of "gone nuts" granola with almond milk and two pieces of Ezekial bread toasted with NON-VEGAN butter and 1/4 glass of coke for breakfast. Yea, not off to a such a great start today. Lunch wasn't horrid, but I ate a ton. Not sure if I'm PMSing or what but I had a foot long veggie patty sub on wheat from Subway...lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, black olives and regular mustard, along with a bag of Baked Lays chips. Sheesh, almost wish I hadn't started back to journaling, then I wouldn't be having to admit this shit on "paper." I drank a glass of water at work, does that happen to negate any of the bad shit I've eaten? No? Yea, probably not. For dinner, we had vegetarian chili over natural corn tortilla chips. Oh gawd, I have to admit that I also ate a piece of homemade blackberry pie that my boss sent home with me. Holy shit, I had a crappy day. I was all emotional and upset when I got home and I think it's a combination of PMSing, overeating crap, a very long, hard week at work, stress from not hearing back from the interview, stress over finances, and some other emotional stuff that I'm going through. Tomorrow WILL be a better day.
April 13, 2007
Granola and almond milk, two pieces of Ezekial bread toasted with butter for breakfast. Worked a super tiring day house cleaning from 8 to 5. Stopped twice to eat - lunch was leftover corn tortilla chips with vegetarian chili, black olives and corn, afternoon snack was an apple, and late afternoon snack was a pound of strawberries. I had a coke at the end of the day on my way home from work. For dinner, our friend brought over a vegetarian pizza from Papa Murphy's Take N Bake. Dammit, cheese. I ate half of it, Steph ate the other half. It was disgusting as far as pizza goes, but it's pizza...and you know me with pizza.
I'm so so exhausted and am ready for a break this weekend. Friday I'm working half a day cleaning a house, then Steph and I took the other half of the day off together. Friday evening we're going to a happy hour show at George's Majestic Lounge on Dickson. We're leaving town early Saturday morning to go to Eureka Springs for Diversity Weekend. We're spending one night there, instead of two, due to tight finances, and cause I'm just not really up for a whole weekend away right now.
April 18, 2007
Have been eating better, but still not great. Lots of fruit, such as grapes, strawberries, bananas, oranges, and apples, granola with almond milk, Ezekial bread toasted with non-vegan butter, salads, green beans, whole grain pasta with Cavendars seasoning, mushrooms and non-vegan butter. I've also eaten out a few times, but have worked to keep it mostly vegan. Sunday night after HOWL (women's poetry reading), we went to Acambaro with several friends. I had chips and salsa, flour tortillas with guacamole and salad. They didn't listen when I told them lettuce/tomato only on the salad, and they put shredded cheese on it. I didn't pick it off, but didn't intentially add it to my tortillas either. I've cut back radically on the Cokes, and have been having one about every third day now, so that's improvement.
This weekend at Diversity, we went to Mud Street Cafe where we split a veggie burger (no cheese) and chips. For dinner we went to Cafe Soleil, and I had olive bread, a salad with their version of Green Goddess dressing, and Steph and I shared two meals. One was a tofu stir fry with a honey sauce, and the other was portobello napoleon. The first was basically a soup of a sweet sauce with a few pieces of tofu, carrots, snap peas, and a ton of cabbage. It was ok, but I felt like they should have called it a soup and NOT a stir fry. The second was basically two grilled portobello mushrooms, a rice patty thing and steamed veggies. There was a layer of hummus underneath the mushroom. Hers was delicious, mine was ok. Would have been better if mine had cashews and more tofu, and less liquid. I told the waitress that when she questioned if I liked the dish. She seemed irritated, but I don't care. She shouldn't have asked if she didn't wanna know what I thought.
After the clubs that night, we were hungry, so we went to New Dehli Cafe, an Indian restuarant that always serves an American-style breakfast buffet for the people closing down the clubs at 2 in the morning. I ate complete shit that meal - biscuits and gravy, eggs (ick, commerical, I know I know!), spicy skillet potatoes and vanilla pudding with canned fruit pieces. Yea, not very healthy at all!
The next morning we slept in, and went to Creekside Cafe for lunch. We split chips and salsa and I got their version of a birdseed salad with a creamy orange dressing - definitely not vegan, but seemed healthy enough.
That's it for now. Exhausted and going to bed now.
April 23, 2007
Had a really nice weekend, though definitely not long enough.
Friday night, Steph and I went to E-San, a Thai restaurant in Springdale. We had two orders of fresh spring rolls (all raw, except for the fried tofu they put in it - I asked for steamed but they fried it anyway). Then we split an order of cashew tofu vegetables in a sort of bean sauce. The tofu was fried, but I had ordered THAT that way. We had mango sticky rice for dessert. My friend Holly called from a mechanic nearly across the street asking for a ride back to Fayetteville. She came over and ate dinner with us and then we took her home. We went shopping at Kohl's, cause my mom sent me a gift card to there for Easter.
Saturday we ran errands, grocery shopped (almond milk, natural granola, vegetarian chili mix from the bulk produce section of Ozark Natural Foods, some MSM caps for Stephanie's aches and pains, Ezekial bread, natural crunch and smooth peanut butter - no salt. After errands, we had Acambaro for lunch. I had my usual of chips/salsa, guacamole salad and flour tortillas.
Saturday night, 6 of our friends came to the house for game night. We had everyone bring a snack to share, and we ended up with a huge spread of food, most of it crap! We had Neiman Marcus Brownies (um, yea I might have been the one to make those), Knorr Spinach dip and crackers (again, I might have been the culprit of that), vegetarian pizza made from croissant roll crust and cream cheese/mayo sauce - and topped with raw veggies and shredded cheese. it wasn't heated it was cold and delish! Someone else brouht a fruit pizza, which is basically cake with icing and a sliver of fruit on top of each piece. A healthy guest brought granny smith apples with a raw coconut oil/cinnamon/agave nectar dip. Another healthy guest brought carrots and guacamole. And still another brought blue corn chips, carrots, salsa, and a nasty hummus. I guess half the food was healthy after all, but I wouldn't know it, cause I focused on the crap! We played games and hung out until nearly one in the morning. It was great fun!
Sunday we slept in until 12:30, which is extremely rare for us. We finished picking up the house and doing laundry. We had Ezekial toast and some fresh fruit salad for breakfast. We had a early afternoon snack of some cracked wheat crackers, cream cheese and strawberry fruit preserves. We drove to Oklahoma to pick up Steph's truck from her dad's body shop. On our way back we picked up a veggie patty sub from Subway, no cheese, no mayo...veggies and mustard only. Holly came over and we all watched "Identity" while Steph and I did some beadwork.
Great weekend. However, I can't fail to mention that I didn't exercise, nor did I eat vegan. Gotta work on those goals!
Hey peeps, a lot of new members have joined recently... I'm quitting one of my many jobs this week, so next week I should have time to get myself back to regular journaling...In the meantime, maybe we could get some discussion going, so people can get the support they need...we ALL need.
I'll start....
Quit smoking on the 21st. Last cigarette was Friday night on the 20th. Five days and counting. All is going well with that, with only a few nic fits a day. We had switched completed to the "all natural" American Spirits (still tobacco, just no other crap added), and had gotten down to 5-7 cigarettes a day...some of you may not have read the part of my journal last year that showed when I started smoking again after 5 years of being completely clean. Anyway, it's been a long hard struggle to try to quit again, and hopefully THIS is it!
Working a lot, too much. Steph and I work a job together at night from 1:30 - 5:30 in the morning...on top of her 8-5 job and my
combined 40 hour a week jobs. So as I said, I quit one of the many day jobs that I have. Going to devote a lot more time to my
photography and artwork.
I'm still with my wonderful girlfriend, Stephanie, and things are going great. She's become quite the little vegetarian, as a result
of being around me, but she's yet to get the full exposure of healthy eating, since I've been struggling with that for so long now, longer than we've been together. That will change soon enough.
Just to lay it out there what I've been eating, here's a list of examples - veggie corn dogs, baked potato chips, sugar free/fat free
instant pudding with almond milk, veggie bologna sandwiches, baked tortilla chips with fat free mozzarella cheese and vegan sour cream, lots of clementines, some bananas, some ezekial toast, some almost raw chocolate candy (I used fresh ground roasted almond butter instead of raw), raisin bran or granola with almond milk, corn on the cob, and some random salads for good measure. I look forward to the next step after getting some non-smoking days or weeks under my belt...the next step will be to work back toward completely vegan, then whegan (a word my friend and I made up which means vegan plus no bread/pasta/rice), then eventually high raw again. No time table, just doing what I can, one day at a time.
PS I've gained back 42 pounds of the 100 I had lost, so my current weight is 250. Goal is to get back to 208 and then start again from there. Considering I'm not exercising other than my housecleaning job, it's going to be a long road back...
July 30, 2007
Super fast update: We're on day 10 of non-smoking and it's going very very well. Have gone to the casino twice, which is a huge smoking venue and haven't even considered lighting up. In fact, when we got home, I had to immediately shower, cause the smoke on my clothes from others smoking grossed me out. As for eating, still not there yet...one thing at a time. Will update again soon...
August 2, 2007
We're on Day 13 of no smoking and feel great about it! Last night on our middle-of-the-night job, I spent hours thinking about my food addiction and the weight I've gained. I talked to Steph about it this morning and told her that starting now, whenever we eat out, we will be eating healthy, as in salads, vegan soups, baked potatoes and veggies. At home, we'll eat what food we have left in the house, and then I will replenish the fridge and pantry with only healthy foods. We'll be going to salads, fruit, steamed veggies, and baked potatoes (sweet and regular). I'm going to keep cooked and raw nuts/seeds, Ezekial bread, manna bread, healthy cereals with almond milk, and things like that in the house to eat. It may not sound like a "raw" plan, but it's baby steps, and healthy eating is the first thing I need to get back to. By Christmas, I want to lose the 44 pounds I've gained...that's my first goal, then once I hit that, I'll set a new weight loss goal. Getting back to 208 will be a huge challenge, but I know I can do it. I miss that healthy, fit feeling. Whenever I journal, I'll post what I've eaten...
Weight: 252
Food so far today:
Bowl of raisin bran with unsweetened vanilla almond milk and a banana, Two pieces of 9 grain toast with Smart Balance (dairy free) butter and Simply Fruit blueberry fruit spread (fruit and fruit juice only) on one of the pieces, iced tea
August 15, 2007
This Friday will be one month of no smoking, and we hardly even think about it anymore. We almost have to remind ourselves that we used to be smokers. It's great!!!
Until my period this week, we've been eating really well! Lots of salads, steamed veggies, corn on the cob barely boiled, natural cereals with almond milk, and ezekial toast...still cleaning out the house of foods, but have bought a few items that aren't on the plan like graham crackers and coke. Coke's going to be tough for me to give up, even if I do know that it's used to clean up car batteries, ha. So I said "until this week." We were doing pretty good, going to Olive Garden and having salad and vegan minestrone soup, Subway for the veggie patty sub (should have had it in a wrap), even Golden Corral for the salad bar and only veggies. Then I got all PMSy and we went down to Texarkana to transport some wild animals to a sanctuary. The stress of both of those things, I guess, warranted eating Schlotsky's sandwich and chips, and having some dessert the next time we went to Golden Corral. Oh and a dinner at Acambaro wasn't exactly on the eating plan. I'm back on it now, but those 3 days of not eating well is kind of a bummer. It's so tough to make a plan, announce it, and then waiver. But I guess I'll sheepishly say "it's a journey..."
PS You may notice that the email addresses of the journalers, including myself, on the site have been changed to a non-clickable link. That's cause spammers suck! I've been wading through about 300 emails A DAY of just spam, and have been starting to miss emails from legitimate sources, as a result. So, now when you want to email any of us, please note the email address and then substitute the "at" and the "dot" with "@" and "." in the email addresses, once you copy and paste them into your email program. Sorry for the annoyance, but I'm wasting waaaaaay too much time in my inbox, and have been afraid of the good emails I'm overlooking.
August 25, 2007
Nothing much to report. Haven't exercised, other than the housecleaning job I have 16 hours a week. Have eaten a lot of salads and corn on the cob, but also have eaten a few other items like a boca burger (gulp), with fries, last night. We still haven't smoked and won't! It's been a more than month and we are so grateful for that decision and for the universe helping us keep that desire at bay. We quit our second job, the one we worked from 1 - 5 in the morning. (It was killing us to do it AND work during the day.) We did that yesterday, hence the "celebratory" dinner at Denny's of the "burger." Anyway, sure wish I could be reporting that I've already lost 19 pounds, like the first time I ever went raw, but alas...still not there yet. I'm sending positive vibes into the universe that we will be ready soon. We've been listening to a shit ton of cds on things like The Secret and The Law of Attraction and Joe Vitale blahdie-blah, so our minds are starting to get clearer and more positive.
September 13, 2007
Next week is 2 months of no smoking!!! Woohoo! So proud of us.
I haven't lost any weight. I've been fluctuating with my eating patterns. I go from eating a bunch of healthy food, to binge eating on pizza. Each day is a new day, a motto that so many of you can relate to. Today was the grand opening of a Sam's Club here in Fayetteville. So Steph and I went and spent $63 on fruit and vegetables. We stocked up on fresh-cut pineapple, bartlett pears, organic strawberries, red seedless table grapes, fuji apples, whole romaine hearts, organic baby spring greens, bananas, frozen whole green beans, russett potatoes, whole-grain bread, celery, black olives (canned), and grape tomatoes. We were so excited we couldn't even wait til we got home to dig in. As we loaded the boxes into the bed of the truck, we tore into the bag of apples and shared one standing there in the parking lot. I miss fresh food!!! It's SO easy to get sucked into the S.A.D. way of eating, but it feels SO good to make a fresh start, no matter HOW many fresh starts we take. We are human after all, and all we can do is get up and try try again. I'll never give up on the dream of living a healthy, high raw lifestyle, as I know in my heart that it's what's best for my body and soul.
PS I'm listening to Joe Vitale's "Zero Limits" audio tape about the Hawaiian technique called Ho O Pono Pono, and just finished reading an article called "The Path to Becoming Fit From Within" by Victoria Moran.
Weight: 252 (no change from last month)
September 15, 2007
Doing great with our eating. Eating lots of salads, twice a day actually. Enjoying a lot of cut up fruit, and apples on the go. Have had some cravings, but have done well working through them without giving in. Like wanting to go get french fries and pizza. Taking the same approach to eating as we did and do to quitting smoking. One day at a time, one moment at a time, and just keep asking ourselves if it would be worth it. Still eating some things that aren't on my ideal "health" journey, like whole grain bread made into toast with vegan butter, whole grain cereals with almond milk, popcorn and Diet Pepsi, and pretzels but I'm not feeling guilty about any of it. Instead I'm feeling great about how well we are doing and the healthy changes we are making. We even went for a nice bike ride tonight. Felt great. Came home and had baked potatoes and salad for dinner.
September 18, 2007
Aside from one meal at Noodles, a local Italian restaurant, our eating is going superbly! Lots of fruit, salads, and baked potatoes, whole grain cereal with almond milk, stuff like that. I say superbly, and it should be taken in relative terms. I mean superb to me two years ago would have been salad, plain baked potato, fruit, fruit juice, raw carrots. I was high-raw. Superb today, as I'm progressing BACK to healthier living, means pretzels instead of chips; vegan butter on my potato instead of cheese, butter, sour cream; whole grain cereal instead of Fruit Loops. Ya know what I'm saying? I'm back to baby-stepping this thing. Exercising isn't quite back up there, as we've only gone on a few bike rides in the last week. But it's a start. I met Steph for lunch today at Atlanta Bread Company. We successfully held up the line while deciding just how healthy we wanted to be (since I was SUPPOSED to make salads and bring them to her office, but got delayed on a photography project at the local camera shop. So I decided on, "a veggie sandwich, no chips, no red onion please, add a side greek salad, again, no red onion please, add a piece of bread instead of the chips, iced tea." I went back and forth on the chips, cause MORE bread as a side to my sandwich seemed ridiculous, but a "delicous red apple" sounded about as appetizing as a stack of cardboard. When my meal arrived, the bag of chips that I'd opted NOT to order, were sitting on the tray. I sat down at the table and coyly (yea, that's SO not a word) smiled at Steph and said, "oh look, they forgot to switch the chips." She smiled back, and proceeded to remove them from my tray. After a slightly annoyed look, and then later, after finishing my meal without the chips (or the extra piece of bread), I thanked her for helping me help myself. I DO so love having support on this journey...
Weight: 251 (down one pound, gee thanks ye God of weight loss)
October 30, 2007
Steph and I are finally back on track trying to eat healthy and lose weight. We had a horrid month of eating shit and just saying 'fuck it' to being healthy girls. Finally the other day I acknowledged my horrible depression caused from the weight gain and Steph agreed to help me, help US get it together. I told her until I can find the strength within myself that I would need her to be strong for the both of us. I said I needed her to say no when I wanted to eat shit, to tell me no if she sees me about to eat or order something that isn't on our health plan. She agreed and said she knows she will need me to be strong sometimes too. So as it usually the case, a few days in, I felt rejuvenated and ready to recommit to healthy eating again. Tonight for dinner, we went to an asian buffet and I chose to eat off the hibachi grill (veggies and noodles, no sauce) with a bit of added steamed rice and green beans. It isn't ideal, but it's a huge accomplishment from the shit we had been eating. I'm trying again, so that's a start. Reminder to myself to be gentle, but persistent. I will get this one of these days. Oh and congrats to Shannon for being a huge inspiration to us all. She's a great reminder to never give up.
Weight: 257
November 19 , 2007
Wait a minute. Didn't my last post talk about how "back on track" we were? This post is gonna basically say, "Fuck, will I ever get my shit together?" We've now made a commitment to, um, eat healthy starting January 1st. Jesus, that's so pathetic. We started eating like it's Thanksgiving weeks before this week. And this week, hell, it's like it's Thanksgiving Day every day. It's such a sad thing to have this website, such a great philosophy to live by, and yet right now, a salad here and there is as raw as I am. Sorry for not being stronger for you. For me.
Weight: 257 (no weight gain from last month, but NO loss, that's for sure)
November 25, 2007
I read Raw Curls blog and today's had a link to how to de-seed a pomegranate. I had bought one last month so Steph could try one (she'd never had one before), and did it the very long way...we picked the seeds out by hand. Glad to find this video so next time we get one, it will be a much easier process.
I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand the thought of waiting until January 1st, to get back to healthy eating. I couldn't bear the thought of gaining MORE weight by the end of the year, and possibly having to start this whole journey over, right from Day One, like I did back on January 1, 2004. That would just be the death of me emotionally. Therefore, today I started my journey back to health. It wasn't easy to start again, but the fact that it's been insanely easy to have gained all the weight back, forced me to say, "ENOUGH!" I'm going back to 80/20....80% raw, 20% healthy cooked. I'm gonna do the best I can, but really focus this time, on choosing HEALTHY cooked foods, when I choose to eat cooked. My goal is not RAW, but high raw/healthy cooked. I don't wanna say I'm taking baby steps, cause I'm gonna be aggressive, but I'm also gonna be gentle as I remind myself where I have let myself go this past year. It'll be like a firm, gentle approach. Consistent, but patient. Tough, but loving. Hard, but easy-does-it.
Below is my food intake for today.
1 c. oat cereal with soy milk (hadn't gone to the store yet to get flax cereal and almond milk, which I plan to eat as part of my "cooked")
can of Amy's Vegan Southwest Fire Roasted Vegetable soup, 2 pieces Cinnamon Raisin Ezekial Bread (toasted, dry), 2 pretzel sticks, unsweetened iced tea
Sizzler - salad bar - 1 plate: romaine lettuce, shredded carrots, peas, cherry tomato, black olives, raisins, sunflower seeds, italian dressing; 1 plate: fresh pineapple (3 slices), 1 orange (I took it off the bar, which I think was just for pretty, but oh well), unsweetened iced tea
2 pieces Cinnamon Raisin Ezekia Bread (toasted, dry), handful mixed nuts - cashews, almonds, walnuts, brazil nuts, sunflower seeds, unsweetened iced tea, 1 spear of celery with fresh-ground almond butter, banana, swig of not from concentrate orange juice
Today was tough, with a few instances of wanting some leftover vegetarian pizza, smelling Red Lobster and Outback Steakhouse when I went in there to buy Christmas gift certificates, and having a mild headache around 6 pm this evening. Also, the salad I had at dinner was less than satisfying, because 1.) I don' t like Italian dressing, but other than oil and vinegar, which generally I dislike even more, it was all they had, and 2.) I'm used to crap food, and honestly a healthy salad without cheese, croutons and ranch isn't gonna taste great for at least a week...I'm in detox baby.
This is a picture of me in May 2004, the last time I weighed 260-something...I don't think I look that "bad" now at 263, but not sure why...I definitely can see the 50 pounds I've gained this past year. I'm gonna have Steph take pics of me tomorrow, so I can post the "real" me at this point, and so I can start to document my journey back to "health" once again....
Weight: 263 (oh lord, let that be as high as I ever get again)
bowl of flax cereal, pecans and raisins with soy milk
2 pieces of cinnamon raisin ezekial bread (toasted, 1 1/2 dry, 1/2 with almond butter), unsweetened iced tea
Ozark Natural Foods for a yummy organic lunch: to go salad - romaine lettuce, carrots, peas, corn, black olives, sprouts, mixed nuts, raisins, four bits of feta cheese (yep, counted em out), a mix of dressings - honey mustard, vinegarette, raspberry vinegarette; unsweetened iced tea from Flying Burrito drive thru
NOTHING at the Lady Razorbacks basketball game, woohoo!!!
Went to Ruby Tuesday's to have dinner, where I ordered the salad bar and water, but we ended up leaving because they were out of romaine lettuce/mixed greens. I refuse to pay $8 for iceberg lettuce. Now that I'm eating healthy, finding restaurants I can make good choices at, that taste good, is gonna be tough. Ah yes, I remember the social aspect of this lifestyle. Not always easy. We went home and ate there, which is what we should be doing more now anyway.
3 clementines, bite of pink lady apple, swig of orange juice
can of Amy's organic southwest fire roasted vegetable soup, 2 pieces cinnamon raisin ezekial bread (toasted, dry), unsweetened iced tea
a smorgasbord of snacks throughout the night - a carrot, some raisins, some pecans, almonds, cashews, spear of celery with almond butter, bowl of flax cereal, pecans, raisins, soy milk; unsweetened iced tea, wanted some popcorn, but decided on some more almonds instead
I feel better already!!!
December 3, 2007
I made it 3 days. I'm sure some of you are thinking, "made WHAT 3 days?" I'm not "raw," but I'm back to healthy eating, lots of raw, lots of fruit, veggies, seeds, nuts, and such. I'm not at 80/20, which is my goal, but I'd say 50/50 for sure, with the 2nd 50% being very very healthy cooked. I'm very proud of myself, and the first three days are always the most difficult. I made it over the hump, both emotionally and physically. I'm having serious "bathroom" issues, but I always remember the first week was the toughest in that department. Not sure if others have experienced this or not, but I'm going about 5 times a day, at least, and it's not pretty. I look forward to when I get to 2-3 regular bowels a day, that are "perfect," if ya know what I mean.
There were many "temptations" today and I handled em like a champ. I even watched Steph order a combo meal at McDonald's and was able to just sip on my iced tea and wait til I got home to have an apple and almond butter. Poor Steph is just having a hell of a time trying to eat better, not even go all the way to healthy with me. It's also tough being that I'm a vegetarian and she's not. Like for dinner tonight, I made boiled red potatoes, steamed green beans and corn, and added a side of stuffing for her. I thought that would be good, but asked her if she would enjoy the meal better if there was a grilled chicken breast with it. She reluctantly said that yea, she would, so I told her we'd get her some "meat" sides to go along with the veggies for dinner at night. She had her first bout of "emotional detox" that I told her would happen when she/I made the transition to healthy eating. I sometimes get depression, for no apparent reason, and she never really understood it. Well today/tonight she's been dealing with depression, that unexplainable overall melancholy that can't be cured as easily as it can when it has to do with normal, situational sadness. I know mine will get better, and actually tending to her today has helped me not have to focus on the fact that I, too, am detoxing.
I haven't had a chance to take pictures yet, like I hoped to, but tomorrow I'm off work, so I'm planning to get them taken. I want to really be able to document this next chapter, like I did the first year I went raw. Oh man, I just looked back at my raw in progress pictures, and get this! January of 2006 I weighed 266, and that's when I "started over" again, just like I'm doing now. I don't know why, but that seems insane to me, that I hit "bottom" at almost the exact same weight last time I tried to get healthy again. Anyway, here I am again. At least I can say I'm back.
Food intake for today:
unsweetened iced tea (throughout the day)
breakfast: bowl of flax cereal with pecans and raisins, soy milk
snacks: 2 clementines, 1 c. mixed nuts/raisins, 2 more clementines
Golden Corral for lunch: salad of romaine, carrots, sliced almonds, black olives, green olives, french dressing; plate of corn, carrots, squash, tomato slices, guacamole; few grapes; lots of water
Snacks throughout afternoon and evening - several glasses of orange juice, nuts, raisins, pretzels, celery and natural peanut butter, clementines
small size bag of popcorn and medium diet pepsi from Target (dang it)
bowl of flax cereal with pecans and raisins, soy milk
another bowl of flax cereal with pecans and raisins, almond milk (finally ran out of the soy milk, won't be buying it anymore)
2 pieces cinnamon raisin ezekial bread (toasted, dry)
glass of orange juice
reheated plate of green beans, corn, red potatoes with salt, pepper, and A1, unsweetened iced tea
Good thing I watched this... (thanks Sharon for posting this on your blog!)
December 6 - 9, 2007
I've done so well. So proud of myself!!! And surprised! I have not slipped once.
I've eaten lots of salads, steamed veggies, nuts, seeds, raisins, ezekial bread, flax cereal, almond milk, clementines, bananas, apples, and celery. I weighed and have lost 4 pounds, which is great. I know the major weight loss will start coming within a few weeks. It's so unfair that the most difficult period of transitioning to a healthy life reaps the least rewards. Oh and don't even get me started on the amount of times I'm peeing during the day. And what's with going number 2 so much?!!! I totally forgot how often you go when you eat right. I seriously have to go every time I eat. It's good and all, but jeez louise, it's a might inconvenient <grin>.
Let's see what else? Well I'm constantly hungry but then when I go to eat, I fill up pretty quickly. What a crazy shift from a few weeks back, when I was constantly "hungry" AND never satiated. My appetite was out of control. I'd eat half a pizza, go refill my drink and come back to finish the other half, only pausing to think about what I'd be having for dessert.
I am still struggling with wanting things, but it's more of a problem when it's right in front of me. For instance, today we went to Outback for lunch. I ordered water with lemon, a romaine salad (sorta custom ordered), a side of steamed french style green beans, and a side of steamed mixed veggies (no butter). Well of course we sat down to a piping hot loaf of pumpernickle bread and soft honey butter. Didn't eat any, but had to watch Steph enjoy it. Then had to smell and see those crispy seasoned french fries that came with her burger. Didn't eat any, but dammit I wanted to. Even one would set me off. I know me! Of course, after lunch, and we left I was perfectly fine. But less than an hour later, while she was complaining of being stuffed and heart burn, I was already thinking I'd wished I'd brought my snack bag of mixed nuts and raisins along to the mall with us while we shopped.
Oh, I forgot to mention one of the things that is saving my life right now is my snack basket I made for the car. I bought this cute two toned green linen square metal lined basket that I keep in the back seat of my car, always filled with bananas, clementines, apples, raisins, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds and mixed nuts. I also bought a mini tin of stevia dissolvable tablets and made a mini jar of non-dairy creamer to keep in my purse in case I ever want to have a cup of hot tea or coffee while we're out. I'm so brilliant!!! It has saved me MAJORLY on days when I'm absolutely starving, but 1.) fear I might stop off at Chick-fil-A for a buttered biscuit and hashbrowns or Burger King for a veggie burger and onion rings, or 2.) am in between meals but am having serious cravings, or 3.) it's too late or I'm too far from anywhere that would be healthy-vegetarian-vegan and not cost $15. And on days like today, when we took a long drive out into the country to look for some side-of-the-road wooden-dog-house-maker, it was a life saver, cause I was starving from almost the minute we left the house, but knew we needed to wait a few hours for lunch.
Last night, I felt great when we were on a break at our part-time catering job, and everyone sat down to eat. Everyone else made plates of turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, gravy, and cornbread stuffing, plus desserts of pumpkin pie, pecan pie, and several mini gourmet pastry and chocolate desserts. I made a plate of salad with italian dressing, corn and green beans. That was it. It sucked that the veggies were canned and the salad was an iceberg mix, but it was still decent and I didn't slip. Some major accomplishments going on for me. I miss this Michelle! There are times that it's not easy, but I'm dealing with it all like I did back in 2004, when I first tried to live this lifestyle. I'm just DOING IT.
Haven't taken my picture yet. I don't know when I will. It's such a major task to get the camera and tripod set up, lighting, an outfit that looks the same as previous photos, and the time it takes to get each angle just as they've been in the past. Then take endless shots, just to make sure I don't cut off my head, or cut out the big bulge that is my belly, or get one butt cheek in the shot. Oh well, you all know I've gained weight, and you know what I looked like back then....if I can get another set of photos together, I will, though.
PS You wanna hear how good I'm doing? There is a package of Newman's Own "oreo" cookies in the cupboard and a plate of leftover birthday cake from someone's party and a whole container of mini pastry and chocolate desserts in the fridge. I haven't touched em! (I'm workin on Steph, but she's not there yet. I have to keep reminding myself NO ONE can make us make this journey. We have to find the path for ourselves, in our own time.)
Weight: 259 (4 pounds weight loss)
December 11, 2007
Check out this video. I can see the light and spirit in Matt's eyes now. Though he was thin before, he has life after. And love.
Food I ate today:
- cinnamon raisin Ezekial bread (toasted) with natural peanut butter and honey; unsweetened iced tea
- Ozark Natural Foods: salad: romaine and mixed greens, carrots, celery, corn, kalamata olives, feta cheese, mixed nuts, raisins, raspberry vinegarette dressing, bottle of Fiji water
- refill bottle of water
-Qdoba Mexican Grill - burrito: tortilla filled with grilled squash and zucchini, lettuce, pico de gallo, corn; unsweetened iced tea
- bowl of multigrain and flax cereal, raisins, cashews, almond milk; cinnamon raisin Ezekial bread (toasted) with natural peanut butter and honey; unsweetened iced tea
- homemade smoothie: frozen banana, frozen strawberries, almond milk, agave nectar (YUM!)
Today was a VERY hard day for cravings and having a diffficult time having to make healthy choices. I did a part time catering job today and some of the people I was working with ordered a bunch of pizzas. They didn't offer any to the people I was working directly with, but I swear, I wanted it so badly. The smell was torture!!! Fuck, I miss pizza!! Then, tonight Steph wanted to get something out for dinner. We had this discussion on the phone where I bitched and moaned that we should just go home, cause there's nothing I can eat. It sucks. There's a handful of places I can have a decent meal, and a smaller handful that don't cost a fortune. Eating healthy is NOT easy in Northwest Arkansas. I told her we were gonna eat at home, and then called her a few minutes later and said I'd pick up something up. I go between being perfectly fine eating the same type of things every day, to I want something gourmet and restaurant-ish. So I went to Qdoba where they have $1 tacos on Tuesdays. I knew I could get Steph something there she would like, and I could probably get something healthy for myself, even if I had to modify their menu. I ordered a burrito, asking for a corn tortilla, but they don't serve them. I can't believe a mexican restaurant doesn't serve corn tortillas. That is SO wrong. Anyway, I said fine, give me the flour, and then said no rice, no beans (cause I don't like beans and rice is bad). I asked for more veggies in its place, but of course, they are more expensive, so I just got extra lettuce and corn toppings. It was so good, but let me tell ya, I could have eaten three of those easily! Oh, but back to why I mentioned Qdoba. It was one of my difficult moments. I wanted to order chips and queso. Of course, I wouldn't, but once in there I wanted it. And I wanted to add cheese and sour cream to the burrito. Again, I didn't. Some days are easier than others. Lost another pound though, so that makes up for it.
Weight: 258 (5 pounds weight loss)
December 12, 2007
Today was tough for me. I was emotional and wanted to eat shit. We went to another town to help with a animal neglect case, and afterwards went to the Wal-Mart there to pick up some veggies and corn tortillas so I could make some healthy burritos at home, like the one I had last night at Qdoba.
Here's what I had today:
- 2 pieces cinnamon raisin ezekial bread (toasted) with peanut butter and honey; unsweetened iced tea
- Golden Corral: plate of salad: romaine, carrots, green olives, black olives, sunflower seeds, french dressing; plate of cooked corn and carrots, quacamole, sliced tomatoes, pickles, several glasses of water, and I mean several!; another plate of corn, sliced tomatoes, pickles, and quacamole
- bag of popcorn at home; unsweetened iced tea
- bowl of vegan minestrone soup by Amy's Organics, added some cooked corn and green beans to the soup; unsweetened iced tea
- banana, pecans (on the way home from Wal-Mart in another town
- 3 corn tortillas filled with grilled frozen zucchini/squash/onion/bell peppers/corn/black beans/tomatoes, lettuce, guacamole with fresh tomatoes (oh my god that was good!!! and spicy!), unsweetened iced tea
- few swigs of orange juice, handful of brazil nuts, almonds
December 15, 2007
I started my period on the 13th, so all of my emotional issues and food cravings made huge sense. Thank God, I was worried that I was gonna fall off the wagon and might find myself going back to eating crap. It was so upsetting to me to think I might once again not make it. But I'm working through it and doing better today. Last night we went out to dinner after finishing our Christmas shopping. We went to MarketPlace Express, thinking I could surely find something decent to eat. I was soooo disappointed. Some of the highlights of my horrible meal (to which I DID email MarketPlace corporate headquarters this morning)....mixed veggies SOAKED in butter, with a renegade soggy french fry thrown in for good measure (oh and I DID specifically ask for no butter), green beans with BACON and SUGAR (to which I sent back and got a plain baked potato with chives and added A1 sauce), and fruit fruit (which came soaking in a sweet blueberry poppyseed dressing with a chunk of what we now know was CHICKEN!!!!). The veggie plate also came with a slice of flatbread, which I ended up eating...being the first non-sprouted grain healthy bread that I've eaten in two weeks. My stomach was SO upset the rest of the night last night. Not sure what exactly it was that upset it, but I guess the combo of all the disgusting food just set it off. Could have been the butter (though I did take each piece of vegetable and dry it off on my napkin before eating it), the flat bread, or the poppyseed dressing. It was the worst meal and we won't be returning. What has happened to healthy eating? Is it a lost art? Jeez! I'm so over living in this fucking SAD world! It makes trying to live in a healthy one, nearly impossible. I told Steph last night that I just don't think I can eat out like I used to. I need to eat at home or at Ozark Natural Foods, where at least I KNOW what I'm putting in my body.
Oh, I attribute this to my period and being bloated, but my weight was 261 when I weighed on Thursday. It BETTER be!!!!
December 16, 2007
It's very cold here and snowed a bit last night. The weather is making me want comfort food. Yesterday at the Ladybacks game, I had a diet coke and popcorn. Then last night I had a handful of graham crackers with some sugar free lemon pudding. Aside from those two times, I've eaten suprerbly well considering my cravings. Tonight we went shopping at Sam's and Wal-Mart for a few groceries. Here's what we bought:
I've done great the last few days. We ate at Golden Corral yesterday and I had my usual plate of salad and plate of corn, peas, carrots, tomatoes, pickles (no guacamole cause they were out), and then another small palte of corn, plain baked potato and pickles. Lots of water with lunch. For some odd reason, I can drink a shit ton of water at a restaurant but at home I won't touch the stuff. Bizarre. Today I met an old friend at Ruby Tuesday's in Bentonville. I had two plates of salad: leafy greens and a few pieces of what the manager called Romaine, carrots, black olives, red and green bell peppers, pecan pieces (apparently the whole country is out of sunflower seeds, again, according to the manager), and balsalmic vinegarette on the first plate and french on the second. I really wish Ozark Natural Foods would still carry those Annie's Goddess Dressing packets for on the go. That was so convenient. Maybe I'll have to special order some. No dressing in a restaurant compares. Tonight for dinner I made steamed fresh veggies (mushrooms, sweet peppers, green beans, squash and zucchini), and I added it to some leftover grilled corn, mushrooms and onions...then put all of that and some guacamole in 3 corn tortillas and had a wonderfully yummy meal. We've torn through the case of clementines already. They were abnormally huge, but still super sweet and delicious. We keep buying a whole bunch of bananas, but they go brown before we can make it through them. I have to make myself eat a banana, and it's usually as a dessert with peanut butter and honey. Steph has one each morning for breakfast, but if they even have one spot on them, she's done and won't touch another, til we buy a new bunch. We waste a bunch each time we grocery shop, especially given that my freezer is already jam packed full of frozen ones for smoothies. I weighed today and lost the period weight. Back down to 257. Still not where I think I should be, but at least it's going in the right direction. I have to remind myself that it's not like the first journey I took, when I went high raw. I am currently eating some things that I never ate when I went raw in 2004. Plus I am not as big as I was back then, so the weight loss won't be as significant in the same short period of time. Oh well, life is good. I'm eating healthy, and that's my number one goal right now.
Weight: 257 (6 pounds weight loss)
December 19, 2007
Holy hell! Today was one of those terribly hard days where I just wanna go order a huge 4-cheese pizza (thin crust if you were curious) and swallow the whole thing myself. Alas, I did not. Shit, though. Those cravings nearly kill me sometimes. I don't know how I manage, other than to shove something like a salad or a clementine in my mouth and pretend it's something it's not. Ha ha.
One cool thing that happened to me today was this evening, after Steph and I had done some shopping with gift cards we've been given for the holidays, we went to Panera (with one of the gift cards). It was five til 9:00 and they closed at nine, so we ordered our food to go, to try to be decent to the people who, I'm sure, wanted to go home and dreaded us walking in as they were about to close. The girl who was making our food started to carve out a bread bowl, and I said, "Is that for my soup? I don't want the bread. Thanks though." She said, "Oh, well I think she charged you for the bread bowl so do you want something else?" I asked if she could just give me a bit more lettuce for my salad (cause it was SMALL). She said, "I'll just make you another one, how's that?" I smiled BIG and said, "Sure! That would be so great. Thanks!" So I got TWO delicious salads just for not choosing bread. Rewards abound, I just have to look for them.
Oh and I'm super depressed right now, cause I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. Tonight, at Kohl's, Steph and I played with the mirror like it was a funhouse mirror. We kept saying, "I don't look this fat at home!?!?" I was trying to buy a new, non-leather purse, and I couldn't bring myself to do it, cause the bag itself sat on a roll of fat, and it made me sick. Damn, I wish the weight would come off like it did years ago. We both acknowledged today that we must start exercising if the weight is to come off at all, let alone fast. Eating healthy by itself is no longer enough. I must move my butt!
Anyway, here's my food intake for the day...
2 pieces cinnamon raisin ezekial bread (toasted) with peanut butter and honey
banana
unsweetened iced tea
Panera: orchard harvest salad - romaine, pecans, pears, dried cherries, gorgonzola cheese (non vegan part of my day) some type of balsalmic vinegarette; bowl of low-fat, vegetarian southwest tomato and roasted corn soup (got an apple as my side, but I saved it for later); one glass of diet pepsi, one glass of unsweetened iced tea
2 pieces cinnamon raisin ezekial bread (toasted) with peanut butter and honey
unsweetened iced tea
swig of orange juice
few spelt pretzels and brazil nuts
Panera (again): TWO orchard harvest salads - romaine, pecans, pears, gorgonzola cheese (2nd non vegan part of my day), dried cherries, some type of balsalmic vinegarette; bowl of low-fat, vegetarian southwest tomato and roasted corn soup (got an apple as my side, but again I saved it for later); unsweetened iced tea
clementine
apple
December 20, 2007
I'm fricken pissed! I still haven't lost anymore weight. I'm still 257 pounds. Three weeks tomorrow of eating so healthy, and only 6 pounds of weight loss. I'm so angry at the scale. I know I shouldn't focus on the number, but that's not just it. My clothes don't feel any looser. Steph and I exercised tonight. When she got home, I put veggies in the steamer and we headed out the door with Izzy, the most athletic of our four dogs. I jogged 3/4 of the way, and we ended up going a mile. We were SO sore by the time we got back, and I was wheezing. Yea, it's time to start exercising again. I want to get back up to jogging a mile, pretty fast, without feeling winded...and eventually get to where I was, which was, if I remember correctly, like 2 1/2 miles. My jogging tonight was slow and paced to Steph's fast walking. I'm grateful we did it, and we plan to keep it up. We're shooting for daily, but as many days a week as we can will be great!
Oh almost forgot the major success I had today. I took a friend to lunch for her birthday today, and she wanted to go to Jose's, a mexican restaurant. Mexican is one of my huge trigger foods, but I told her that since it was her birthday, we'd go there. I knew I could order healthy, and I would just have to say no to the chips, but I had no idea just how wonderful the meal would be. They had a great vegetarian section, and I found one very healthy entree that I just had to alter a bit. It was a honey wheat tortilla wrapped around steamed veggies and cheese. I asked the waiter for the veggies without the cheese and to replace the wheat tortilla with some corn tortillas. I also asked for a side of guacamole to add to it. He brought me the plate with a confused face and a comment of, "We've never done anything like this before. Hope this is right." I told him it was gorgeous and absolutely perfect. And it was. It was a delicious meal and I just kept my focus away from the basket of chips that my friend was enjoying, and add little spoonfuls of salsa to my wraps. It was wonderful, and I was shocked that I didn't stress out over the chips. I felt so accomplished! And satisfied!
Today's food intake:
2 pieces cinnamon raisin ezekial bread (toasted) with peanut butter and honey
unsweetened iced tea
2 pieces cinnamon raisin ezekial bread (toasted) with peanut butter and honey
unsweetened iced tea
glass of orange juice
bag of popcorn; unsweetened iced tea; few brazil nuts
Weight: 257 (6 pounds weight loss)
December 22, 2007
Yesterday was a hard day for cravings, but a great day for how my body's feeling. When Steph got home from work last night, before we went out to dinner and shopping (more Christmas gift cards), we went for our nightly jog. She walked the dogs and I jogged the whole mile without stopping. I feel so great that I've been able to just get back into this. When I first started a year ago, I couldn't even jog a quarter mile. Now, without having exercised in more than a year I was able to just pick it back up and start jogging immediately. My groin area is sore and so are my feet, but the sore muscles in my sides feel super...like I KNOW I'm working my body again.
For dinner, we went to MarketPlace Grill (not Express), cause their Corporate office had sent me a gift card for telling them about the lousy experience I had there last week. My meal tonight was out of this world and I was so grateful cause I used to really like MarketPlace and didn't wanna think they had gone to complete shit. I ordered a portobella mushroom grill with onions, lettuce, tomatoes in a wrap instead of a sandwich (no cheese), and got steamed veggies as my side (no butter, no parmesan). It was the most delicious meal, and even the waiter commented on how fantastic it looked when the chef was preparing it. It's funny how often waiters comment on healthy food I order, but I never hear them comment on the crap stuff others get. It's always so colorful, and beautiful when chef's create a dish that is minus the unhealthy elements, and people take notice.
December 23, 2007
Yesterday was HARD. I had crazy cravings all day. I wanted chocolate layer cake with ice cream. I wanted pizza, chips, queso. Hell I would have taken a huge chunk of cheese and gnawed on it just like that. But interestingly, I also wanted a cigarette. Friday was 5 months of no smoking. I didn't have a cigarette, but shit, both Steph and I nearly caved! I think it might be the fact that we have a whole Christmas tree of presents, and I'm like a little kid and wanna open them all NOW (actually I'm more interested in having Steph open hers, that's what really makes me happy). I'm trying my best to be good and not open them, but we did allow ourselves to open one last night after we both were struggling so hard with the cigarette issue. We went to Olive Garden (with another gift card) for lunch today. I wanted to order some whole wheat pasta and marinara sauce, but I got my usual - salad and minestrone soup. I had two plates of salad and one bowl of soup. Normally I have 3 bowls of soup and 2 salads. My stomach might be shrinking...or maybe I just really didn't want that. After lunch we went to the movies and saw "P.S. I Love You" with Hilary Swank, Lisa Kudrow and Gina Gershon. It was SO good and I cried throughout the whole thing. Oh and I ate a bucket of popcorn with a Diet Coke. Oops. And then we didn't exercise today either.
Click here to visit my sister site where you can purchase raw-food related items.
This is a picture of me in May 2004, the last time I weighed 260-something...I don't think I look that "bad" now at 263, but not sure why...I definitely can see the 50 pounds I've gained this past year. I'm gonna have Steph take pics of me tomorrow, so I can post the "real" me at this point, and so I can start to document my journey back to "health" once again.... 
